CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
MLB changes name to Baseball League Matters in response to protest
ATLANTA—Major League Baseball (MLB) has changed its name to Baseball League Matters (BLM) in response to the protest of its...
Lightfoot reminds Chicagoans to mask up this weekend to keep everyone safe while shooting each other
CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot made a public announcement, reminding Chicagoans to wear a mask this weekend to keep everyone safe while...
Biden: ‘I’m very excited to have Transformers in the US Military’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden was excited to hear that, "the US Military would be allowing Transformers to serve," overturning a...
Biden cancels April Fool’s Day because it marginalizes Democrats
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has officially cancelled April Fool's Day because it promotes the continued marginalization of his voters. "April...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
BREAKING: FBI has evidence of Matt Gaetz engaging in sex trafficking and illicit drugs with minors
WASHINGTON, DC--The FBI has photographic and video evidence of Representative Matt Gaetz (R-FL) participating in sexual activities and engaging in...
Portland offers free hits of crack with proof of COVID vaccination
PORTLAND, OR—Residents of Portland are lining up to receive their free hits of crack rock—a little extra incentive for receiving...
Kamala Harris to host ‘Empowering Women’ talk with Bill Clinton on Epstein Island
WASHINGTON, DC—President Vice President Kamala Harris received backlash after promoting an 'Empowering Women' talk with former president and accused rapist...
BREAKING: Biden outlaws shooting people at grocery stores
Following a mass shooting in Boulder, Colorado Monday, President Biden has decided to take unprecedented measures to protect the country...
