Millions of returning college students excited to learn what to be offended by


US—Millions of Gen Z college students are preparing to return to campuses across the country and learn what to be offended by.

“We’ve been practicing all summer to be infuriated,” Laurie Foss, student at Penn State University said. “But we haven’t been told where we should direct that anger yet, so it’s causing a little anxiety, which I’m taking several prescription drug for.”

Joss Hilton, a PhD candidate in Aquatic Trans-Atlantic Trans Studies at a Seattle junior college reported, “2021 is going to be a year of social change. We’re going to end the oppression that lurks everywhere. But we just haven’t found exactly what that oppression is yet.”

Young people across the country are reporting what doctors are calling premature triggering, a new psychological condition. They know that they are angry, but they don’t know which evil public personality to direct their anger toward.

Many are suffering from Trump derangement withdrawal syndrome.

“I hated Trump with all my being but what are we going to do now?” Foss wondered aloud. “We’re going to hate whoever they want us to hate but the elites in charge haven’t told us who to direct our passionate hatred to yet.”

Others were planning on fake hate crimes to make their college experience even more invigorating.

“We can’t rely on people chalking ‘Trump 2020’ on the sidewalk to cause mass hysteria,” Chad Hunter of Indiana University said. “We’re going to go out there and create hate crimes the way they’re supposed to be so that we can fight them!”


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