Newsom assures Californians his vaccine passports will be ‘super cute’
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom announced a new way to show that you've been vaccinated against COVID-19 and allayed fears about...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Democrats vote to remove Southern states from US for ties to slavery
WASHINGTON DC—In a shocking and unprecedented move, congressional Democrats have voted to remove Southern states from the Union for their...
Harris/Biden administration to transfer all student debt to people who never went to college
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President* Kamala Harris made a bold promise today, promising to make everyone who has paid off their student...
Time: Biden taking on stairs
Did you catch a wiff of the new Time cover? Those aviators! "On his way to meet Vladimir Putin, Secret...
David Hogg campaigns to ban assault donations like those used on AOC’s abuela
HOGG HEAVEN, FL—Activist David Hogg, who is known for his fight to ban guns and his MyPillow competition MyDillow, has...
BREAKING: Biden declares Branch Covidians official state religion; will persecute non-believers
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden, in conjunction with the future President* Kamala Harris, has declared that Fauciism is the new state...
Local cop calls LeBron James to tell him what he should’ve done better in playoff loss
SAN BERNADINO, CA—A local police officer Bernie Jambles spoke to NBA star LeBron James earlier to tell him exactly what...
BREAKING: Guatamala deports Kamala Harris
GUATAMALA CITY—Immigration authorities in Guatamala have deported an annoying American named Kamala Harris. She will be extradited to Mexico, where...
AOC reveals the trauma of being attacked by right-wing donations to her grandmother
WASHINGTON, DC—The relentless attacks on Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) continue. President* Biden awarded AOC the Purple Heart for her role...
YouTube bans YouTube for showing videos of Dr. Fauci contradicting Dr. Fauci
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Google's media giant YouTube has been banned indefinitely from its own video streaming service for violating its community...
