CDC announces if you wear two swim suits you can pee in the pool this summer
ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden says it’s not racist to be racist to Tim Scott because ‘he ain’t black’
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave progressive move, President Joe Biden, who's white, defended people who hurled racial epithets toward America's only...
CDC says you can now peak your head out from your self-imposed prison once a day
NEW YORK (AP) — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) said Tuesday that you can finally peak your...
Bill Gates wins Oscar for best villain in real life
HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went...
Minneapolis PD to start arresting random white people in reparations for George Floyd murder
MINNEAPOLIS—As part of the Derek Chauvin conviction for murdering George Floyd, the Minneapolis Police Department has been ordered to start...
BREAKING: Thin Blue Line supporters loot Walmart after Derek Chauvin conviction
MINNEAPOLIS–Racist supporters Thin Blue Line supporters descended on a local Walmart to loot, pillage, and "burn the motherf****r down" in protest...
FBI is seeking information related to the insurrectionist pictured here
The FBI is seeking information that will assist in identifying the person pictured above who is actively instigating violence across...
UPS commits to burning half of your packages if Derek Chauvin is acquitted
ATLANTA—UPS has increased the stakes in the woke corporation olympics. The package "delivery" service has committed to burning half of...
Minnesota 2021 spring Riot Season set to open this week
MINNEAPOLIS—Minnesota's 2021 spring Riot Season is set to open in most areas of the state this week. Looters and rioters...
BREAKING: Fox News projects Hunter Biden to win the Pulitzer for stupid memoir
DOOSHE, DE--Hunter Biden's heavily-promoted sex- and drug-filled memoir "Beautiful Things" has tanked in its first week on bookshelves, selling only...
