BREAKING: Biden credits the COVID vaccine for him only getting a mild case of dementia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising turn of events, President Joe Biden held a press conference today to express his...
Exavier Saskagoochie
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BREAKING: The Secret Service has investigated itself and found they did nothing wrong
WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Secret Service has completed a thorough internal investigation and astonishingly found itself to be completely blameless...
BREAKING: Biden assigned a new doctor after hinting that he may drop out of presidential race if he has a ‘medical condition’
President* Joe Biden has been assigned a new personal physician following his recent hints that he might consider dropping out...
BREAKING: Secret Service Director Cheatle says they can’t protect Trump anymore because there are sloped roofs everywhere
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented announcement, US Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle has declared that the agency can no longer provide...
BREAKING: Trump selects clone of himself as VP: ‘He’s the only one I can trust’
MILWAULKEE—Former President Donald Trump has announced his vice-presidential pick for the 2024 election: a clone of himself. “Yes, it’s true....
Man who accidentally left 300,000 guns for Taliban gives lecture on gun control
WASHINGTON, DC—The man who accidentally left 300,000 guns for the Taliban and is sending millions of dollars in weapons to...
FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump
In a move that has left theologians and conspiracy theorists equally bewildered, the FBI has announced an investigation into the...
BREAKING CNN: Trump speech interrupted by mostly peaceful assassination attempt
Former President Donald Trump rudely cut his speech at his Butler, Pennsylvania rally short after some people said they heard popping...
BREAKING: Project 2025 will provide every Trump supporter with laser-shooting velociraptors
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts and citizens alike in a state of euphoric disbelief, the...
John Deere changes its name to John Queere
In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, John Deere, the iconic American agricultural machinery manufacturer, has officially changed its...
