Weirdos try to play hockey in the middle of the US-Canada ice boxing match
MONTREAL—In what was supposed to be a brutal but beautiful display of ice boxing—a sport where gloved combatants duke it...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez releases line of socialist Valentines
The creative art director at the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez staff has been working like an unpaid Democratic staffer in preparation for...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell blinks twice to vote ‘No’ on Tulsi Gabbard
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a dramatic moment that left the Senate chamber in stunned silence—or perhaps just mild confusion—Senate Minority...
BREAKING: Judge Hugh Jassole says it’s unconstitutional for Trump to make America great again
Washington, D.C. — In a surprising judicial decision at 07:13 AM on February 10, 2025, Federal District Judge Hugh Jassole...
JUST IN: Brave young Democrat influencers cut off their testicles in protest of Trump
In an unprecedented display of political fervor, a group of young, progressive activists known as the "Brave Democrats" - comprised...
Dems assure public on USAID: ‘It’s not corruption; It’s *democratic* corruption’
Washington, D.C.—As the DOGE audit unearths what many describe as egregious misuse of funds within USAID, Democrats have taken to...
Musk to Trump: ‘If there are 10 righteous people in USAID, will you spare it?’
THE CITY OF WASHINGTON—With the city's skyline transformed into a canvas for divine intervention, Elon, draped in robes that glowed...
BREAKING: Big Balls takes commanding lead in 2028 presidential polling
Washington, DC—The political landscape has been rocked by the revelation that Big Balls, once known only in the dark corners...
BREAKING: Judge Hugh Jassole declares the Constitution to be unconstitutional
In a ruling that has legal scholars scratching their heads and X users cackling into their keyboards, Judge Hugh Jassole...
BREAKING: Nation shocked to see a president in a room full of children and not sniff any of them
WASHINGTON, DC—In an event that left the nation both shocked and amused, President Donald Trump signed an executive order banning...
