SACRAMENTO—California Gov. Gavin Newsom announced the opening of Camp Covid near Bakersfield in California’s Central Valley. He characterized the facility as ‘Wellness Within Walls’ citing “It is just like a nursing home… only bigger.”
“Hospitals are being overwhelmed and this will be the new front line in the fight against the plague. It has modern equipment like beds and pillows. The nursing squad from Honduras will make sure all the patients who are bilingual get all the meds we have… and soup. I made sure chicken soup would be available twelve hours a day.
“I am told the 12 foot tall, outer, metal ‘cough control barriers’ will keep the surrounding population safe from viral drift. This will be a place of healing where the older, more vulnerable population can spend their recovery playing board games and cards.
“Right now, we are trying to get funding for WiFi so a family can have virtual visits. If this facility succeeds, we are looking at creating a ‘prevention camp’ where old folks can sequester with limited exposure to those right wing germs that wreak havoc on old people minds.”
Several Camp Covid buses have been loading patients from Trump ‘superspreader’ events. An orderly informed us that it is easy to tell who has been infected because those individuals almost always are wearing a MAGA hat.