Man who frightened everyone on plane by coughing and sneezing turns out to only have a cold
UNITED STATES—A horrifying incident occurred on a United Airlines passenger plane today when a passenger starting coughing and sneezing, terrifying...
Business
BREAKING: Melinda Gates will become the 3rd richest man in the world after divorce
SEATTLE—Bill and Melinda Gates have announced their divorce after 27 years of marriage. The split will make Melinda the third...
BREAKING: NBA finally ends discrimination based on height
NEW YORK—The National Basketball Association (NBA) has ended its longstanding discriminatory policy on height after many allegations of teams excluding...
Kerry proposes tax on breathing to fight climate change
WASHINGTON, DC—John Kerry, the President Biden’s Envoy for Climate, suggested in an interview today that the federal government should impose...
BREAKING: Thin Blue Line supporters loot Walmart after Derek Chauvin conviction
MINNEAPOLIS–Racist supporters Thin Blue Line supporters descended on a local Walmart to loot, pillage, and "burn the motherf****r down" in protest...
UPS commits to burning half of your packages if Derek Chauvin is acquitted
ATLANTA—UPS has increased the stakes in the woke corporation olympics. The package "delivery" service has committed to burning half of...
Elon Musk buys Twitter for $30B and immediately deletes it
AUSTIN—Business magnate Elon Musk has purchased the legacy social media platform Twitter for $30 billion and promptly deleted in his...
Ben & Jerry’s will discontinue vanilla ice cream to fight white supremacy
(FOX NEWS)—Ben & Jerry’s will discontinue vanilla-flavored ice cream to fight white supremacy, according to reports. The company’s decision will...
Walmart opens new riot section in all of its stores
UNITED STATES—Walmart CEO Dan McMillon announced today that Walmart will have a special rioting section in all of its stores....
Ben and Jerry’s launches ‘Be Less Vanilla’ ice cream with arsenic to fight white supremacy
(FOX NEWS)—Ben and Jerry’s will begin including the deadly toxin arsenic in their "Be Less Vanilla" ice cream to fight...
