BREAKING: Elon Musk opens salt mine sourced only from liberal tears following Twitter acquisition
AUSTIN—Tesla CEO Elon Musk is venturing into new businesses. He is now selling salt sourced solely from liberal tears following...
Business
BREAKING: CNN+ has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton
ATLANTA—CNN's streaming service CNN+ has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to...
CNN introduces CNN- where users can pay $99 a month to not see any CNN content
ATLANTA—Following the demise of the streaming service CNN+, CNN is introducing CNN- where users can pay $15 a month to...
BREAKING: Walmart ends COVID-era pants mandate following federal ruling
BENTONVILLE, AR--Walmart have lifted COVID-19-related mandates requiring pants in the store for all customers and employees following a federal judge's...
I’m going on a hunger strike if Elon Musk takes over Twitter
I haven't written in a few months because I've been paralyzed with fear that my lone outlet in the world...
BREAKING: Disney buys ‘Epstein Island’ for new kids-only theme park
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has purchased the controversial island owned by convicted pedophile and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. The company...
BREAKING: Elon Musk invades Twitter; workers barricade themselves on 8th floor, plead for Biden to declare ‘no buy’ zone
SAN FRANCISCO—Twitter employees at the Market St. headquarters stacked furniture, shelving and anything they could find against office doors, determined...
Disney replaces bigoted white CIS-gender Mickey mascot with inclusive Pedobear in mouse ears
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In an effort to stay ahead of the woke wave, Disney Corporation has replaced its bigoted white,...
Disney CEO Chapek promises at least 2 anal sex scenes in all kids’ movies from now on
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In a town hall meeting today, Disney CEO Bob Chapek said the entertainment behemoth would put together...
In response to Russian attack, Biden imposes several new sanctions on American citizens
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the further attack by Russia on Ukraine, the Biden administration announced new sanctions on American citizens, ensuring further...
