Culture

BREAKING: Ben and Jerry’s “Peach-Mint” recalled after attempting to suicide over 63 million people

Justin Case February 3, 2020

Genesius Times food critic, Buffet Bill Scaletopper, has been given another exclusive, revealing Ben and Jerry's newest and most disgusting...

Super Bowl halftime show protests sex trafficking in bold pole dance

Exavier Saskagoochie February 3, 2020

Sex trafficking is a growing concern with hundreds of thousands reportedly being held against their will around the globe. Recent...

Shakira to sacrifice two goats in annual Illuminati halftime show

Exavier Saskagoochie February 2, 2020

MIAMI—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl half time show, will feature an unprecedented number of...

Entire family loses salvation during drive to church

The Petty Prophet February 2, 2020

Theologians around the world are scrambling to make changes to established church teaching this morning after it was revealed that...

Observers astonished UK survives 24 hours apart from EU

Exavier Saskagoochie February 1, 2020

International observers are astonished that the United Kingdom hasn't disintegrated into a chaotic primordial cesspool of racists and xenophobes after...

Adam Schiff nominated for Oscar for Best Original Screenplay in a Fictional Impeachment

Justin Case January 31, 2020

Genesius Times Entertaintent reporters have just learned that Adam Schiff, despite considerable competition in this category, has been nominated for...

AOC ensures migrants receive fresh water and nutritious bat soup upon entering US

Bubbaken Managua January 31, 2020

Disgusted by the conditions of undocumented migrants entering the country, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is working to ensure travelers...