BREAKING: Don Lemon marries notorious terrorist and ‘biggest threat to America’
NEW YORK CITY—Former CNN anchor Don Lemon has announced his marriage to notorious terrorist and "biggest threat to America," Tim...
Culture
BREAKING: pictures of Michelle Obama pregnant have been discovered
MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the political and social landscape, it has been discovered...
BREAKING: April Fool’s Day cancelled because reality is so ridiculous
US President* Joe Biden has cancelled the national holiday April Fool's Day due to severe competition from the ridiculousness of...
Biden to hang 6 Easter Bunnies in honor of Trans Visibility Day
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, President Joe Biden has announced that he will be personally hanging six Easter...
Biden wishes everyone a ‘Merry Thanksgiving!’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has inadvertently confused the nation by wishing everyone a "Merry Thanksgiving" on Easter Sunday. The gaffe,...
BREAKING: Disney names P. Diddy new CEO citing appeal with children
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In a surprising move, Disney has announced that music mogul P. Diddy—who now goes by the pseudonym...
Mike ‘Judas’ Pence wishes everyone a ‘happy Spy Wednesday!’
WASHINGTON D.C. - In an unexpected turn of events, former Vice President Mike Pence has sparked controversy by wishing everyone...
‘Fetuses are parasites’ says vice president who lives completely on extorted taxpayer money
WASHINGTON, DC—In a recent interview, Vice President Kamala Harris has found herself embroiled in controversy after referring to fetuses as...
Kate Middleton tweets out selfie of her and her kids on the moon; crazy conspiracy theorists doubt its legitimacy
LONDON—In a stunning revelation that has left the internet reeling, the Duchess of Cambridge has taken to Twitter to share...
ACTUALLY: Cannibalism is the most eco-friendly diet and will save the planet
As a triple doctorate in Gender-Queer Wildebeest Grooming, Post-Colonial AI Prompt Engineering, and Post-Feminist Interpretive Dance Theory, I'm clearly the...
