Escape from New York: 2026: New York is a communist utopia sealed off by mountains of garbage
In a bold move to update John Carpenter's 1981 masterpiece for the modern viewer who prefers their dystopias pre-approved by...
Culture
Bruce Springsteen threatens to make Republicans listen to his music until deportations end
In a dramatic escalation of his long-running feud with conservative America, Bruce Springsteen has issued what aides are calling his...
JUST IN: Ilhan Omar opens ‘Quality Akting Skool’ following Oscar win
In a development that has Academy voters and conspiracy theorists alike double-checking their popcorn supplies, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) announced...
Ilhan Omar Wins Oscar for Best Performance in a Fake and Gay Staged Attack on Congressperson
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a ceremony that managed to be both predictable and somehow still shocking, Representative Ilhan Omar was...
STAR TREK: Woketard Academy Episode 1
In the not-so-distant future of 24th-century wokeness, welcome to Star Trek: Woketard Academy — where merit is microaggression, competence is...
Local woman practices social justice by yelling at ice on her kitchen counter all day
SPRINGFIELD — In a powerful display of allyship that has neighbors quietly relocating their patio furniture farther away, local resident...
BREAKING: Dangerous Cold Weather Closes Schools So Kids Can Go Sledding
In a stunning display of progressive parenting and climate awareness, public schools across the northern United States shuttered their doors...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
PSA: When ICE Says “STOP!” You Need to Collaborate and Listen
Listen up, America. When a federal agent in tactical gear yells “STOP!” at 120 decibels while sprinting toward you in...
BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation
CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD...
