BREAKING: Biden cancels MLK Day because ‘he ain’t black’
WASHINGTON, DC—Joe Biden isn't even president yet and he's already shaking things up. Biden unilaterally cancelled the Martin Luther King...
Culture
The Desire To Not Die In A Plane Crash Is Rooted In White Supremacy
In a groundbreaking revelation that's set to redefine the way we view air travel, a group of social justice warriors...
KC Chiefs change name to KC Swifts, promise more airtime to new mascot
In a surprising move that combines sports, pop culture, and an apparent disdain for controversial mascots, the Kansas City Swifts...
Jimmy Kimmel denies getting moob surgery on Epstein Island
HOLLYWOOD—In the latest episode of the surreal sitcom that is Jimmy Kimmel's life, the late-night funnyman finds himself at the...
Jimmy Kimmel: ‘I didn’t need 60 trips to Epstein Island to disrespect women my entire career’
Comedian and talk show host Jimmy Kimmel addressed the swirling rumors and allegations surrounding his association with Jeffrey Epstein's infamous...
Biden releases his 1924 New Year’s resolutions
President Biden has just released his 1924 New Year’s resolutions at a press conference today in Washington, DC. “Yes, here...
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson Auditions for Angry Birds
CHICAGO—Mayor Brandon Johnson recently stepped into the world of mobile gaming, leaving behind the political battlegrounds of the Windy City...
On this day in 1993, Harvard President Claudine Gay wrote the songs All I Want For Christmas Is You, Silent Night, Jingle Bell Rock, and Panama
BOSTON—Harvard President Claudine Gay is not just an esteemed scholar but also the clandestine creative genius behind some of the...
Pope Francis says priests can bless Sodom & Gomorrah
In a stunning display of divine inclusivity, Pope Francis, the head of the Catholic Church, has announced a groundbreaking expansion...
Authorities add devil horns to all Founding Father statues to prevent Democrats from tearing them down
In a groundbreaking move to preemptively thwart any potential wrath from the left, authorities across the nation have embarked on...
