Count Chocula endorses Gavin Newsom for 2024 presidential run
SACRAMENTO—Is Governor Gavin Newsom throwing his hat in the ring for the 2024 presidential election? We don’t know the answer...
Culture
BREAKING: Devil sues Catholic Church for defamation claiming ‘Enough is enough’
VATICAN—Lawyers for the Devil have filed a 500 billion € lawsuit against the Catholic Church for defamation of character, restriction...
Fauci now recommends face masks over your eyes so you can’t read his leaked emails
WASHINGTON, DC—A treasure trove of emails from National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) Director Dr. Anthony Fauci’s were...
French PM Macron face masks can stop guillotines
PARIS—Anti-tyranny protesters rallied in cities across France on Saturday, denouncing President Emmanuel Macron and threatening to "get Enlightenmented on his...
RIP Stephen Colbert
What a sad day for comedy. Not only did we lose legend Bob Saget but also a good friend of...
NY 911 switchboards swamped with Betty White sightings
NEW YORK—Authorities are recommending to keep a safe distance if you see someone you think is Betty White. Spokesperson for...
AOC: ‘Insurrectionists are just mad they can’t date me’
Did you know that all those frustrated insurrectionists are just mad they can't date me? It's true. That's why I've...
Pope Francis now requiring ‘booster baptisms’ for Catholics to be considered fully baptized
VATICAN—Pope Francis has proclaimed that all Catholics worldwide will now need a booster baptism to be considered fully baptized. "We...
Saudis open new Hajj park in Switzerland around the Matterhorn
MATTERHORN, SWITZERLAND—How much more enjoyable will the Hadj be with hot cocoa? This once-in-a-lifetime pilgrimage, a mandatory religious duty for...
Amazon to become a church to avoid paying taxes forever
SEATTLE—In a genius move, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announced today that Amazon, the world’s largest online retailer will become a...
