BREAKING: France Joins US-Iran War; Immediately Surrenders to Both Sides
PARIS — Citing “a rare moment of bipartisan exhaustion” in global affairs, France has formally declared itself a co-belligerent in...
Culture
Ilhan Omar Condemns Trump’s Iran Strikes as ‘Racist Against Terrorists’
MINNEAPOLIS — In a blistering floor speech that lasted exactly as long as the average commercial break, Rep. Ilhan Omar...
BREAKING: Marco Rubio named new Supreme Leader of Iran
In a stunning development that has left foreign policy analysts reaching for their atlases, President Donald J. Trump announced today...
Dan Bongino Takes Break from Ignoring Elite Child-Eating Sex-Traffickers to Call Out Candace Owens for Horrifyingly Saying Stuff
In yet another masterclass of selective outrage, former Secret Service agent and current podcast impresario Dan Bongino has once again...
CNN adds Gavin Newsom to panel on ‘What It’s Like Being Black & Poor in America’
ATLANTA — In what network executives are calling a “definitive step toward radical empathy,” CNN has confirmed California Governor Gavin...
Prince Andrew Converts to Islam; Police Immediately Drop All Charges
LONDON—In a move described by royal watchers as "bold, innovative, and suspiciously timed," Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly known as Prince Andrew,...
Obama dismisses critics who say his presidential library looks like a giant portable toilet
CHICAGO — Former President Barack Obama today brushed aside mounting criticism that his long-awaited presidential library resembles an enormous portable...
Socialist Valentines with AOC and Bernie Sanders
The creative art director at the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez staff has been working like an unpaid Democratic staffer in preparation for...
Green Day changes its name to G’ay
In a move that can only be described as both progressive and potentially confusing for fans, iconic punk rock band...
Bad Bunny to sacrifice 2 goats in ‘epic’ Super Baal Halftime show
In a groundbreaking move set to redefine both entertainment and animal husbandry, Puerto Rican superstar Bad Bunny has confirmed plans...
