AOC reports she’s in stable condition after the assassination attempt on Salman Rushdie’s life
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has reported that she is in stable condition today after the assassination attempt on author...
Religion
BREAKING: Pope Francis bans all ‘assault rosaries’ from Catholic homes, churches
THE VATICAN—Following the Atlantic's article identifying the rosary as an "extremist" assault weapon, the Holy Father has moved to ban...
Moloch to accept credit card donations for those who can’t sacrifice their babies to him anymore
US—In the wake of the Supreme Court of the United States overturning Roe v. Wade, the Canaan god Moloch, known...
The ‘Love Wins’ crowd threatens to ‘Burn it all down’ if they can’t keep killing babies
US—The "Love Wins" crowd has threatened to "Burn it all down" if they can't keep killing babies following the Supreme...
Vatican releases new 30-piece silver coin set to honor the true god of science
VATICAN—Pope Francis has announced a new 30 piece silver set of official currency to honor the true god of science....
Amazon’s ‘The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power’ replaces all villains with Putin
HOLLYWOOD—The multi-million dollar TV series Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power is set to enlighten us in September...
China tests new ‘Kamikaze 737’ jet with 130 Uyghurs onboard as possible Muslim ‘final solution’
SOUTH CHINA—If you are one of 12 million Chinese Uyghurs and you win a free trip to Disneyland you might...
Biden receives ashes from Church of Planned Parenthood on Ash Wednesday
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden received ashes from the Church of Planned Parenthood on Ash Wednesday. The tradition started several years...
BREAKING: Devil sues Catholic Church for defamation claiming ‘Enough is enough’
VATICAN—Lawyers for the Devil have filed a 500 billion € lawsuit against the Catholic Church for defamation of character, restriction...
French PM Macron face masks can stop guillotines
PARIS—Anti-tyranny protesters rallied in cities across France on Saturday, denouncing President Emmanuel Macron and threatening to "get Enlightenmented on his...
