Man who frightened everyone on plane by coughing and sneezing turns out to only have a cold
UNITED STATES—A horrifying incident occurred on a United Airlines passenger plane today when a passenger starting coughing and sneezing, terrifying...
Health
CDC announces if you wear two swim suits you can pee in the pool this summer
ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the...
Fauci says everyone has to mask up and social distance until the next pandemic
WASHINGTON, DC—In an interview today with CNN host Brian Stelter, Dr. Fauci cautioned that everyone has to wear masks and...
Gov. Cuomo working on resurrecting 89 deceased nursing home patients to gain back House seat
NEW YORK—After the Census reported that NY is set to lose a seat in the House of Representatives, Gov. Andrew...
CDC says you can now peak your head out from your self-imposed prison once a day
NEW YORK (AP) — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) said Tuesday that you can finally peak your...
Bill Gates wins Oscar for best villain in real life
HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went...
Tylenol recalled after someone who took it tripped over his owns shoes, then fell into a coma
WASHINGTON, DC—The Food and Drug Administration issued a recall today on the distribution of Tylenol after someone who took it...
WARNING: COVID vaccine only works if you post a selfie of you getting it
HOBOKEN, NJ—A spokesman for Pfizer Pharmaceuticals issued a warning for their new COVID-19 vaccine, which is currently being deployed around...
Biden announces universal castration in order to stop sexual assault and regulate ‘ghost penises’
WASHINGTON, DC—President *Joe Biden announced major steps to address sexual assault today, using the executive authority to write laws. Biden announced six...
Colleges dump SAT for much more accurate parmesan cheese-smoking intelligence test
US—Colleges across the country are ditching the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) for their standard entrance exam, replacing it with President...
