Colleges dump SAT for much more accurate parmesan cheese-smoking intelligence test
US—Colleges across the country are ditching the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) for their standard entrance exam, replacing it with President...
Health
BREAKING: US military to accept people who identify as good soldiers but are biologically no-skill fat slobs
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to eliminate all discrimination in the...
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative...
No you can’t just ‘identify’ as being vaccinated. That only works with social constructs like having a penis.
It has come to my attention that so-called people are trying to act like they "identify" as being vaccinated without...
Portland offers free hits of crack with proof of COVID vaccination
PORTLAND, OR—Residents of Portland are lining up to receive their free hits of crack rock—a little extra incentive for receiving...
Following Air Force One debacle, Biden installs stair lifts throughout White House
WASHINGTON, DC—You’ve probably seen the video dozens of times already of Biden tripping on the stairs of Air Force One...
Fauci Orders ‘No Sex Until AIDS is Cured’
WASHINGTON, DC—As states begin easing back on lockdown restrictions, Dr. Anthony Fauci is now pushing for new draconian measures to...
Come And Take It—Stairs
Biden and the Democrats are set to introduce common sense stair regulations after it's become clear that they are too...
Biden blames fall on wind from Putin blowing him a kiss from Russia
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden blamed his fall while climbing Air Force One's stairs on Russian President Vladimir Putin blowing him...
White House staff confused about who’s still peeing on the floors after Biden’s dogs were removed
WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office...
