AOC defends Biden money laundering because ‘there’s so many germs on money’
WASHINGTON, DC—After learning that Joe Biden was laundering money through Ukraine and his son Hunter Biden, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez defended...
Newsbeat
WEF unveils bathrooms for both men and lizard people at 2023 conference
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—The World Economic Forum held in Davos every year is getting new bathrooms which will be used by both...
BREAKING: FBI to investigate noose found in Biden’s garage as possible hate crime
WILMINGTON, DE—The FBI is sending fifteen agents to the Wilmington home of President* Joe Biden after it was discovered that...
BREAKING: McCarthy wins Speaker vote after finding 150,000 mail-in ballots at 2am
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, the House of Representatives have voted in Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) after finding 150,000 mail-in...
BREAKING: Omnibus spending bill includes $74 million green T-shirt budget for Zelensky
US—Congress is poised to pass an historic omnibus spending bill with $1.7 Trillion in new debt. While people like Senator...
BREAKING: New York Times supports Nazis with Swastika crossword on first day of Chanukah
NEW YORK—The New York Times have officially come out in support of the National Socialist Nazi Party with a Swastika...
BREAKING: Sam Bankman-Fried has tragically died in a plane crash tomorrow
NEW YORK—In a shocking coincidence, Sam Bankman-Fried, the man who used stolen crypto funds to donate to Democratic Party candidates,...
BREAKING: Musk releases laptop with pics of him smoking crack, laundering cash & sex trafficking minors to ensure FBI won’t investigate him
US—In a brilliant pragmatic move, Tesla and Twitter CEO Elon Musk has released a laptop full of evidence of him...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris arrests Brittney Griner for marijuana possession after arriving in US
US—WNBA superstar Brittney Griner was excited to get back to protesting America after America freed her from a Russian prison...
BREAKING: Elon Musk offers to buy the FBI from the Clintons for $66 billion
US—Elon Musk has launched a $66 billion bid to buy the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), saying the proposed deal...
