BREAKING: Queen, regretting loss of colonies, orders British tanks on Washington
LONDON—Queen Elizabeth, commenting on how her great, great, great, great, grandfather, King George IV, f*** up, giving the colonies away...
Newsbeat
Most Americans ‘pretty sure’ the people who lied about COVID are telling the truth about Ukraine
US—A recent poll by the Pew Pew Center found that a majority of Americans are "pretty sure" that the people...
BREAKING: Ukraine confirms Greta Thunberg is the ‘Ghost of Kiev’
KYIV—The elusive 'Ghost of Kyiv,' who has inspired the globe in his remarkable ability to shoot down Russians, has been...
BREAKING: US to retaliate for Ukraine invasion by misgendering all Russian troops until they quit invading
WASHINGTON, DC—Top General Mark Milley said that, in retaliation for the Ukraine invasion, the US military is prepared to mount...
POLL: Who is a bigger threat to America: Vladimir Putin or Joe Biden?
Russian President Vladimir Putin is threatening to invade Ukraine again, but we may have a bigger threat to America in...
GT retracts ‘Fascist Trudeau’ article for not being fake enough
After careful deliberation and a good deal of soul-searching, I have decided to write this letter to the Editorial Board...
BREAKING: Trudeau retaliates for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine by declaring war on Canada
OTTAWA—Following the aggressive move by Russia to move troops into two breakaway regions of eastern Ukraine, Canadian Prime Minister Justin...
Leftist group Abolish Police renamed ‘Abolish Police Except to Trample Peaceful Truckers’
NORTH AMERICA—The International Leftist group Abolish Police has officially changed its name to "Abolish the Police Except to Trample Peaceful...
BREAKING: Trudeau will let truckers protest ‘if only they burn down a few buildings like BLM’
OTTAWA—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said in a statement that he would let the Truckers Convoy for Freedom continue to protest...
BREAKING: After consulting trusted advisors, Biden now says Ukraine will invade Russia any day now
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden, after spending almost two hours alone, at his Oval Office desk, consulting (babbling aimlessly) with his closest...
