BREAKING: Trump buys Ukraine, renames it ‘MyKraine’ in unprecedented peace deal
ALASKA—In what international analysts are calling “either the boldest diplomatic breakthrough of the century or a high-profile real estate closing,”...
Politics
If you don’t want to be raped or murdered in your city, you’re probably a Nazi
In these perilous times, when the siren song of “safety” lures the unwary toward authoritarianism, a chilling trend has emerged:...
BREAKING: Trump orders nuclear strike on DNC headquarters in effort to ‘clean up DC’
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented and shocking move, President Donald Trump authorized a low-yield nuclear strike on the Democratic National Committee...
CNN: Trump Poised to Invade Washington DC in Alarming Escalation
In what experts are calling “the most dangerous moment in American history since the last time Trump was president,” Donald...
BREAKING: Robert Mueller Surges in 2028 Democratic Polls After Admitting He Has Dementia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a plot twist that has left political pundits checking their calendars for April Fools’ Day, former...
BREAKING: Texas Democratic Legislators Flee to Las Vegas to Protest Gambling in Texas
LAS VEGAS—In a dazzling display of principled acrobatics, Texas Democratic state legislators have once again abandoned the dusty halls of...
BREAKING: Bondi Promises to Make Up for Not Arresting Epstein Clients by Not Arresting Anyone Involved in Russiagate
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Pam Bondi announced today that she will make up for not arresting any of the...
EXCLUSIVE: Interview with Jerry Mander, the Ingenious Inventor of Gerrymandering
In a dusty, map-cluttered shack reeking of hubris and stale whiskey, Genesius Times nabbed an exclusive with Jerry Mander, the...
BREAKING: House Republicans Narrowly Avoid Doing Anything Before Recess
Washington, D.C. — In a close call that briefly threatened to interrupt a carefully scheduled recess, House Republicans narrowly avoided...
BREAKING: Bondi Promises to Make Up for Not Releasing Epstein Files by Not Releasing Obama Files
Washington, D.C. — U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Monday that she plans to make amends for her failure to...
