Trump to move to DEFCON 1 after reports of 32 measles cases in Washington
As of Saturday, there have been 32—THIRTY-TWO—cases of measles reported throughout the country prompting President Trump to move to DEFCON...
Politics
BREAKING: Two wrongs actually make a right; millions of mothers stunned
In stunning reversal, it has been decided that two wrongs do, in fact, make a right. Following recent incidents in...
Activists raze Columbus, OH to the ground in reparation for Christopher Columbus
Columbus, OH—207 years after its founding, activists have started tearing down buildings and dismantling the transportation system as a way...
NY’s Cuomo unable to remove mysterious red stains from hands
For a week, New York's Governor Andrew Cuomo has been dealing with a mysterious red stain on his hands. The...
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez campaigns with Dr. Evil for $1 million minimum wage
After many municipalities have mandated employers pay a minimum wage of $15 an hour, others are campaigning for higher minimum...
Pope Francis to bring back Inquisition for Cuomo, New York legislators after abortion bill
After New York passed a bill allowing abortion to be performed up to the point of birth, calls have come...
NY’s Cuomo can’t figure out why demons are tormenting him since signing abortion bill
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has a lot of problems as leader of New York. Now, his problems include several...
White supremacists applaud New York abortion law that will kill more minorities than ever
The New York Legislature has passed an ultra-progressive bill that Governor Andrew Cuomo has signed, making abortion legal up to...
New York Governor Cuomo wears pink to celebrate all the female babies he’s going to kill
In a proud moment for all women, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo wore a pink tie and has instructed the...
Ocasio-Cortez to quit Congress and become full-time soothsayer
New York, N.Y.—In an abrupt announcement not a month into her historic first term, N.Y. Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez has declared...
