BREAKING: Hamas hires Ilhan Omar as new spokesman
GAZA—Hamas announced today that it’s hiring Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Palestine) as its new spokesman. She’ll be taking office sometime next...
Religion
BREAKING: Mostly peaceful Hamas fires mostly peaceful rockets into Israel
(CNN) ISRAEL—The mostly peaceful terrorist organization Hamas has fired a number of mostly peaceful rockets toward Jerusalem today, setting off...
Rabbis confirm wearing three masks will guarantee you a seat in the Garden of Eden
WORLD—Rabbis from around the world have signed onto a letter stating that wearing three masks will guarantee you a seat...
BREAKING: Pope Francis names George Floyd patron saint of fentanyl
THE VATICAN—Pope Francis announced today that following the conviction of Derek Chauvin, George Floyd was a martyr of social justice...
Jordan Peterson turns 5 copies of ’12 Rules for Life’ into 5,000
TORONTO- Upon returning to campus following a lengthy sabbatical, University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson was greeted by 5,000 fans...
Here’s your guide to an uber-woke Passover
Jews have been celebrating the Passover holiday for thousands of years since the Egyptian Exodus, and not much has changed...
BREAKING: Biden signs executive order changing U.S. motto to ‘In Gov We Trust’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden signed an executive order today changing the national motto from ‘In G-D We Trust’ to ‘In Gov...
Biden is giving up chocolate-covered kids for Lent
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki reiterated President Joe Biden's devout Catholicism today confirming that he has given up...
BREAKING: Vatican declares Biden a saint after he miraculously ends COVID one day in White House
VATICAN—Pope Francis has confirmed that the first beatification of a living person: US President Joe Biden after he has ended...
Rabbis confirm watching ‘The View’ will atone for half your sins
Rabbis from around the world have signed onto a letter stating that watching the daytime TV show ‘The View’ will...
