BAD WATER, CA—The town of Bad Water has decided to have the most transparent police force in America. Considered by many (honest!) to be a bold experiment that might set the precedent for the rest of the country.
“We have already begun to implement complete transparency of our law enforcement,” said Bad Water Mayor Sandy Mouf, “I am convinced that other police officers will follow our lead.”
The transparency plan includes the following practices:
- Complete schedule of shift changes for officers
- Public record of the officer’s homes and addresses
- Public record of the officer’s criminal backgrounds, if applicable
- Where the officers stand politically
- A minimum of 25 dashboard, back up, and body cameras
- Mandatory GPS tracking of officers
- Mandatory location logs of officers, including toilet use time
Perhaps the most important reform is that officers will be required to wear clear plastic uniforms at all times.
We asked Mayor Mouf how fines and tickets were given out arbitrarily, and were informed that it was, “quite a bit.”
“I’m glad they’re making their police practices clear,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom, “in this day and age of unprecedented times, we need transparent police work.”
The Governor also informed us that he really, really, really, does not want to be recalled!
We interviewed some Bad Water residents to see how they feel about the new law enforcements policies.
“Personally, I welcome an increased amount of body cameras,” said Bea Lined, “What could possibly go wrong with an increased amount of surveillance of us citizens?”
“I was recently arrested for jaywalking across an empty street but I’m glad the cop was a Democrat,” said S. Mallpicture, “Libertarians like Ron Paul are just odd.”
Bad Water also claims to have thousands of invisible police officers who work for free, what could be more transparent than that?!
“I don’t mind a transparent police force, I welcome it,” said longtime Bad Water resident Chuck Itall, “But what I do mind is having to see all of the officers in clear plastic uniforms.”