BREAKING: Sen Van Hollen claims it’s ‘disgusting’ that Kilmar Garcia can’t be home in Maryland to beat his wife on Easter like he used to 
AOC vows to torch her Tesla made by that ‘stupid billionaire’ as soon as she figures out how those magic firesticks work 
Catholic Nuns Cure ADHD With Simple Life Hack 
Local liberal agonizes over which cold-blooded murderer to support today 
Scientists now say that burning Teslas to the ground is better for the environment than not doing so 
BREAKING: Sam Bankman-Fried has tragically died in a plane crash tomorrow
NEW YORK—In a shocking coincidence, Sam Bankman-Fried, the man who used stolen crypto funds to donate to Democratic Party candidates,...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Matt Damon has died
You will be missed!
Trump Releases List of Possible Cabinet Members If He’s Reelected President
Even though there’s plenty of time until the next presidential election, former President Trump released a list of possible cabinet...
Pete Buttigieg caught unloading private jet from transport jet en route to Climate Conference
LONDON—President Biden’s Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after...
BREAKING: Musk releases laptop with pics of him smoking crack, laundering cash & sex trafficking minors to ensure FBI won’t investigate him
US—In a brilliant pragmatic move, Tesla and Twitter CEO Elon Musk has released a laptop full of evidence of him...
BREAKING: Fauci can’t recall COVID-19: ‘What pandemic? I don’t know what you’re talking about’
WASHINGTON, DC—After approval of government mitigations for COVID-19 have hit an all-time low, America's Doctor Anthony Fauci is distancing himself...
BREAKING: Jim Cramer says we won’t have a recession which means we’ll definitely have a recession
CNBC’s Jim Cramer on Thursday said that the economy is on pace for a soft landing and that we won't...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris arrests Brittney Griner for marijuana possession after arriving in US
US—WNBA superstar Brittney Griner was excited to get back to protesting America after America freed her from a Russian prison...
BREAKING: Man who released illegal arms dealer from prison gives lecture on gun control
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden on Wednesday renewed vows to secure a new ban on assault weapons in the United States...
BREAKING: Biden swaps America-hating ‘Merchant of Death’ for Russian arms dealer
US—On Dec. 8, 2022, the Associated Press confirmed President* Joe Biden has secured a prisoner swap of America-hating "Merchant of Death" for...
