Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years 
All 6 WNBA fans devastated as Angel Reese threatens to sit out if she’s not payed more 
Local men dominate International Women’s Day 
BREAKING: Democrats unveil bold new ‘Peace is War’ campaign in support of endless Ukraine conflict 
AOC horrified terrorists are running over people with gas-powered cars instead of electric vehicles 
BREAKING: Biden cancels 4th of July for being transphobic
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has canceled the Fourth of July national holiday for being transphobic. "Since there were only CIS-gendered...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: January 6 Commission to charge US Founding Fathers with ‘insurrection’; return colonies to Britain
WASHINGTON, DC—The esteemed House select committee announced it would hold a surprise hearing on July 4 to present new evidence that recently...
Zelenskyy to star in ‘Friends’ remake with all his new friends
KYIV—The actor-turned-president of Ukraine Volodomy Zelenskyy is on fire! After securing billions of dollars in his money laundering scheme from...
BREAKING: Jackson makes history as first Supreme Court justice to not know what a woman is
WASHINGTON, DC—Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson officially joined the Supreme Court on Thursday, making history as the first justice to not know what a woman...
BREAKING: 6 more women have come forward alleging that Trump tried to grab their steering wheels on January 6th
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the devastating testimony of Cassidy Hutchinson to the January 6 Commission, six more women have come forward alleging...
BREAKING: NASA discovers evidence of ancient, microbial racism on Mars
WASHINGTON, DC—NASA’s Curiosity rover has uncovered ancient deposits of microbial racism on the Red Planet, opening up the possibility of...
BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to 20 years for sex trafficking minors to nobody
US—British socialite turned-CIA informant turned-convicted sex-trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell finally got her due Tuesday when she was sentenced to 20 years in prison...
Amber Heard to testify to January 6 Committee that President Trump beat her up, raped her
WASHINGTON, DC—Fresh off of her defamation trial with ex-husband Johnny Depp, Amber Heard is set to testify as a "star...
Jussie Smollett testifies to Jan 6 Commission two Donald Trumps wearing MAGA hats attacked him
WASHINGTON, DC—The January 6 Commission has called "star witness" Jussie Smollett who testified under oath that two Donald Trumps wearing...
