Local Taco Bell Manager Certain Cyclospora Outbreak Came From Farmers Market Down the Street 
The New ‘Odyssey’ Film Literally Impregnated Me 
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada 
Judge Rules Judges Are Above The Law 
France, Last Remaining African Team, Eliminated from World Cup 
BREAKING: Ohio identifies as Ukrainian province to get disaster relief funds from Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—The US state of Ohio has officially identified as a Ukrainian province in order to get disaster relief funds...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Fetterman hospitalized for extreme depression after learning he’s a Democrat
It's well known that Senator Jon Fetterman suffered a tragic brain injury during his 2022 campaign, which resulted in a...
Why You Should Date a Ghost Instead of a Real Person
In today's dating world, finding the perfect match can be a real challenge. But what if we told you there...
BREAKING: Eyewitness to testify that Donald Trump lunged at steering wheel to crash Ohio train
EAT PALESTINE, OH—An eyewitness close to the administration is to testify that former President Donald Trump lunged at the steering...
Nation starting to think appointing someone Transportation Secretary just because he’s gay isn’t such a good idea
US—People across the country are starting to think that appointing someone as Transportation Secretary because he's gay isn't such a...
BREAKING: Local college grad can’t even
Being a female college grad in today's society is a real rollercoaster ride. From avocado toast to rose-colored glasses, we've...
After deadly Ohio train derailment, Transportation Sec Buttigieg vows to go on train vacation next
EAST PALESTINE, OH—Following the deadly train derailment in Ohio in which hundreds of thousands of pounds of toxic chemicals were...
BREAKING: Eagles win Super Bowl LVII after scoring 6 TDs at 4 am when no one was watching
PHOENIX—The Philadelphia Eagles, along with the rest of the world, thought they had lost Super Bowl LVII when they went...
Top Predictions for this Year’s Super Bowl
Today is Super Bowl LVII, whatever those numbers mean. I have no clue and neither do you, so stop pretending...
Local retiree searches ‘Google’ on Google to use Google to google something
In today's fast-paced digital world, it's easy to get lost in the sea of information available on the internet. But...
