BREAKING: Local Farmer Alleges Ed Gallrein Barbecued Bald Eagle at Secret Ceremony 
BREAKING: Cow Claims Thomas Massie Offered Her $5k in ‘Cow Money’ to Hide His Popeyes Love 
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation 
AOC: Republicans are trying to rig elections by only allowing US citizens to vote 
Trump Deploys Maintenance Crew to Correct Glaring Typo 
FOR SALE: Totally Legitimate High-Speed Offshore Fishing Vessel – $175,000 OBO
Tired of slow, boring boats that actually catch fish? Looking for something with real zip that can outrun literally anything...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
JUST IN: Brave young Democrat influencers cut off their testicles in protest of Trump
In an unprecedented display of political fervor, a group of young, progressive activists known as the "Brave Democrats" - comprised...
Gen Z Olympics: Dutch Unknown Casually Scrolls Past Germany to Win Inaugural 200 m Doomscroll Gold
PARIS (GT) – In a result that has left German sports psychologists quietly scheduling emergency sessions, an unheralded 23-year-old from...
BREAKING: Keir Starmer orders arrest of everyone who says the UK doesn’t have free speech
UK—UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has announced a sweeping new policy to “defend the sacred principle of free speech” by...
97% of climate scientists agree that we only have 18 months to save their jobs
An international body of nearly 100 climate scientists convened by the United Nations have issued a stern warning to the...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
Cooking with Communism: Thanksgiving Special with AOC
Cooking with Communism: Thanksgiving Special – “A Seat at the Empty Table” Comrade AOC is back in the people’s kitchen...
If You Don’t Want to Be Set on Fire While Sleeping on a Train by a Repeat Offender, You’re Probably a Racist Bigot
In these enlightened times, it's become increasingly clear that personal safety is a luxury reserved for the privileged few who...
Federal Judge Blocks Trump’s Turkey Pardon, Orders Him to “Personally Slaughter the Bird Live on Television”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning rebuke of long-standing holiday tradition, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole issued an emergency ruling...
Congress To Fix Nation By Working Almost 100 Days Next Year
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold display of legislative masochism, House Minority Leader Steve Scalise proudly unveiled the 2026 Congressional...
