BREAKING: Local Farmer Alleges Ed Gallrein Barbecued Bald Eagle at Secret Ceremony 
BREAKING: Cow Claims Thomas Massie Offered Her $5k in ‘Cow Money’ to Hide His Popeyes Love 
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation 
AOC: Republicans are trying to rig elections by only allowing US citizens to vote 
Trump Deploys Maintenance Crew to Correct Glaring Typo 
BREAKING: France Eager to Join Denmark-US Conflict So They Can Surrender to Someone Soon
PARIS — In a move described by diplomats as “both proactive and deeply traditional,” the French government has formally expressed...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
If you don’t want your tax money to go to immigrants to look after imaginary kids and sent to African warlords, you’re literally Hitler
In these enlightened times, it's become increasingly clear that the true measure of one's character lies not in deeds or...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
Denmark sends reinforcements to Greenland ahead of talks with US
NUUK / COPENHAGEN — In a bold show of Scandinavian resolve, the Kingdom of Denmark has dispatched a heavily armed...
Mobile Shopping Trends Transforming E-Commerce
Mobile Shopping Trends Transforming E-Commerce Mobile shopping did not just make online purchases more convenient. It changed how people think...
BREAKING: Imprisoned Venezuelan Dictator Nicolás Maduro surges into 3rd place in 2028 Democratic primary race
WASHINGTON — In a development political analysts are calling “both inevitable and deeply cursed,” imprisoned Venezuelan strongman Nicolás Maduro has...
PSA: When ICE Says “STOP!” You Need to Collaborate and Listen
Listen up, America. When a federal agent in tactical gear yells “STOP!” at 120 decibels while sprinting toward you in...
BREAKING: Several Minneapolis Women Shave Their Balls to Protest ICE in Their City
MINNEAPOLIS — In what organizers are calling “the most committed act of somatic solidarity since the Great Tampon Ear Plug...
Leftists Protest new MAHA Food Pyramid by Staging ‘Processed-Carbs-Only’ Sit-in Marathon
WASHINGTON, DC—Dozens of activists gathered on the National Mall today to protest the newly released Dietary Guidelines for Americans, 2025-2030,...
Trump on a Roll: Mamdani Captured and Flown Out of NYC Following ‘Large Scale’ US Attack
NEW YORK — In what White House officials are already calling “Operation Very Tremendous,” U.S. special forces early this morning...
