Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
Local Man Rails Against Mass Surveillance Flock Camera Into His Own Mass Surveillance Camera
A local resident spent several minutes Monday morning objecting to a newly installed Flock Safety license-plate reader mounted on a...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Exclusive: Trump Bagged Endangered Stegosaurus on Private African Safari, Circa 2003
In a previously unreported episode from the early 2000s, Donald J. Trump successfully hunted and killed an endangered stegosaurus during...
Argentina Claims World Cup Title After Late-Night Mail-In Goal Surge Flips Final at MetLife
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — In scenes that bewildered the 82,000 fans who stayed until the end, Argentina defeated Spain 4-1...
Olympic Committee Mandates Victorian-Era Bathing Suits for All Female Athletes to Prevent Sexualization
AUSANNE, Switzerland — Citing a commitment to “dignity, respect, and the timeless values of modesty,” the International Olympic Committee announced...
Rising Islamophobia May Force Muslim Entrepreneurs to Close Their Scam Daycares and Wineries
Washington, D.C. — Citing a sharp increase in so-called "Islamophobia," a coalition of Muslim business owners announced Tuesday that they...
Prosecuting Election Fraud Is a Threat to Our Democracy
As a voting rights advocate and senior fellow at the Institute for Inclusive Balloting, I have watched with growing alarm...
Local Taco Bell Manager Certain Cyclospora Outbreak Came From Farmers Market Down the Street
TOLEDO, OH — Tony Faucito, shift manager at the local Taco Bell on Monroe Street in northern Ohio, announced Wednesday...
The New ‘Odyssey’ Film Literally Impregnated Me
Adjunct Professor of Cinematic Reproductive Studies and Post-Structural Fertility Narratives, University of Coastal Privilege As a woman of science with...
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials...
Judge Rules Judges Are Above The Law
WASHINGTON — In a landmark decision that legal scholars are already calling “perfectly normal and not at all alarming,” U.S....
