US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all of them have come true 
Stephen Colbert becomes neo-Nazi to garner funds from Southern Poverty Law Center 
Israel’s Pride Festival Near Ancient Site of Sodom and Gomorrah Cancelled Over 85% Chance of Fire and Brimstone 
Ilhan Omar Quietly Shuts Down Her “Quality Winary Center” as Ethics Scrutiny Intensifies 
Breaking: Bill Clinton Adopts Eric Swalwell: “He’s The Son I Never Had” 
If You Wanted to Silence Jimmy Kimmel, You Should’ve Just Killed Him Like a Normal Person
In these tumultuous times, where the airwaves are a battlefield and late-night comedy is the last bastion of truth (or...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
To Avoid Prosecution, Killer’s ‘Furry’ Roomie Agrees To Be Spay & Neutered
SALT LAKE CITY, UT —A self-identified transgender “furry” has agreed to undergo spaying and neutering to avoid prosecution for harboring...
AOC: It’s Not Domestic Terrorism, It’s *Democratic Domestic Terrorism, So It’s OK
US—Listen up, comrades. The corporate media and their billionaire puppet masters are at it again, clutching their pearls over what...
‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’ Wins Emmy for Best Talk Series to Be Canceled for Being So Awful
CBS’s The Late Show with Stephen Colbert clinched the Emmy for Best Talk Series at last night’s ceremony, a category...
Trump declines call for unity with demonic commies who want him and all his followers dead
US—President Donald J. Trump has declined to hold hands and sing unity anthems with self-described demonic communists, a group that...
Federal judge overturns the arrest of Charlie Kirk killer: ‘We’re not even sure assassination is against the law anymore’
UTAH—Federal Judge Huga Wokehammer (they/them) overturned the arrest of Tyler Robinson, the suspected shooter in the assassination of conservative firebrand...
Democrats urge the ‘Stupid, inbred, racist, Nazi Republicans’ to tone down the rhetoric
WASHINGTON, DC—In the wake of the shocking assassination of conservative commentator Charlie Kirk, Democratic leaders have issued a heartfelt plea...
BREAKING: Democrats promise to keep killing people until you give up your guns
WASHINGTON, DC—Congressional Democrats have promised to keep killing people until you give up your guns. Former Speaker of the House...
Brave NC Judge Sentences Knife To Life In The Utensil Drawer
CHARLOTTE, NC — Judge Teresa Stokes has sentenced a knife to life imprisonment without parole in a utensil drawer. The...
The Daily Dumpster Fire: Episode 1
Welcome to The Daily Dumpster Fire, the flagship news roundup of the Genesius Times, hosted by the reliably unimpressive duo...
