Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
France, Last Remaining African Team, Eliminated from World Cup
DALLAS—The final African representative at the 2026 FIFA World Cup hosted across the United States has been eliminated, as France...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Satan Trying To Figure Out Why Wars Are Breaking Out All Over Hell
Pandemonium, HELL — In a development that has left the infernal high command scratching its collective horns, the Prince of...
Mamdani Opens New NYC Restaurant Allowing Comrades to Literally ‘Eat the Rich’
New York, NY – Mayor Zohran Mamdani proudly cut the ribbon today on The Guillotine Grill, the city’s first municipally...
Trump Orders All Israel Pride Flags to Be Flown at Half-Mast in Honor of Lindsey Graham’s Passing
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday directing that all Israel Pride flags on federal property be...
BREAKING: Lindsey Graham Dies After Accidentally Uttering the Word “Peace”
WASHINGTON — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), 71, a steadfast advocate for robust American engagement abroad, died Saturday evening after what...
Travis Kelce Announces Pregnancy Just Days after Marrying Taylor Swift
NEW YORK—Travis Kelce, the Kansas City Chiefs tight end, confirmed Friday that he is expecting his first child with Taylor...
Sneak Peak of The Odyssey with Samuel L. Jackson as Helen of Troy
LOS ANGELES — In what studio executives are calling “a daring subversion of Western literature,” Warner Bros. has confirmed that...
Senate GOP Having Great Weekend at Mitch’s
In a development that surprised no one familiar with modern American politics, Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) and longtime...
Mitch McConnell Gives 17-Minute Press Conference From Hospital; Pledges No on SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) held a 17-minute press conference Tuesday, using the occasion to voice strong...
Graham Platner Comes Out as Muslim Transwoman; All Allegations Immediately Dropped
WASHINGTON — Graham Platner, who converted to Islam earlier Tuesday and saw all pending legal cases against him dismissed, announced...
