BREAKING: Local Farmer Alleges Ed Gallrein Barbecued Bald Eagle at Secret Ceremony 
BREAKING: Cow Claims Thomas Massie Offered Her $5k in ‘Cow Money’ to Hide His Popeyes Love 
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation 
AOC: Republicans are trying to rig elections by only allowing US citizens to vote 
Trump Deploys Maintenance Crew to Correct Glaring Typo 
BREAKING: Kilmar Garcia Released From Prison To Find Cure For Cancer
ANNAPOLIS, MD—Kilmar Garcia, a Maryland man previously incarcerated for unspecified charges, was released from prison this week to pursue his...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Mona Lisa Get Ready With Me Video
Big News from Genesius Times We’ve spared no expense to bring in top-tier talent for our new Beauty & Style...
BREAKING: FBI Raids John Bolton’s Mustache in Pre-Dawn Operation
In a stunning escalation of federal overreach, the FBI conducted a dramatic 4 a.m. raid on former National Security Advisor...
Britons paint St George Cross on illegal immigrants in hopes that the government will actually start removing them
LONDON—In a peculiar escalation of Britain’s immigration debate, citizens across the country have begun painting the St. George’s Cross on...
After Backlash, Cracker Barrel Reverts to ‘Old-Timer’ Logo, Slaps Sydney Sweeney on for Good Measure
In a move that screams “we hear you, but also, please look at this shiny distraction,” Cracker Barrel Old Country...
Illegal Alien Who Killed 3 in Illegal U-Turn in Florida Surges to Top of 2028 Democratic Presidential Polls
In a plot twist that reads like a rejected Hollywood script, Harjinder Singh, an undocumented immigrant who scored a California...
BREAKING: Sadiq Khan Bans Assault Bacon in London, Declares City ‘Safe for Muslims’
LONDON—Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced a city-wide ban on "assault bacon," declaring it a public safety hazard and a bold...
Gavin Newsom Unveils New Gerrymandered California Map in Response to Texas Redistricting
SACRAMENTO—In what experts are calling “an ambitious and geographically aggressive” countermeasure, California Governor Gavin Newsom today unveiled a newly drawn...
Experts blame climate change for making them use cloud-seeding tech to cause massive flooding throughout US
NEW YORK—Government officials have blamed climate change for making them use cloud-seeding technology to cause massive flooding throughout the United...
BREAKING: Trump buys Ukraine, renames it ‘MyKraine’ in unprecedented peace deal
ALASKA—In what international analysts are calling “either the boldest diplomatic breakthrough of the century or a high-profile real estate closing,”...
