France, Last Remaining African Team, Eliminated from World Cup 
Satan Trying To Figure Out Why Wars Are Breaking Out All Over Hell 
Mamdani Opens New NYC Restaurant Allowing Comrades to Literally ‘Eat the Rich’ 
Trump Orders All Israel Pride Flags to Be Flown at Half-Mast in Honor of Lindsey Graham’s Passing 
BREAKING: Lindsey Graham Dies After Accidentally Uttering the Word “Peace” 
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation
CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD...
Babylon Bee changes name to The Babylon Bibi in honor of their boss
JUPITER, FL — In a move described by insiders as "long overdue and entirely voluntary," the conservative Christian satire website...
Santa Claus hopes to make it down 50% more chimneys after a year on Ozempic
In a stunning announcement from the North Pole today, Santa Claus revealed that he has lost an estimated 400 pounds...
BREAKING: GOP Congress narrowly avoids doing anything the entire year of 2025
Washington, D.C. — In a masterful exhibition of bipartisan complicity masked as partisan deadlock, the Republican-led 119th Congress has proudly...
Local kids announce they are ‘starving’ 2 minutes after leaving a party with endless amounts of food they didn’t touch
In a heartbreaking turn of events that has stunned parents and child hunger advocates alike, a group of local elementary...
Joe Biden finally raises enough money for his presidential library
Wilmington, DE – In a triumphant announcement today, former President Joe Biden revealed that his long-stalled presidential library project has...
BREAKING: Police Release Image of Brown University Shooting Suspect
PROVIDENCE, RI — In a bold move to accelerate the capture of the gunman responsible for Saturday's tragic shooting at...
Minnesota Governor Tim Walz Counters Lindell’s Gubernatorial Bid with Launch of “MyTampon” Brand
St. Paul, MN – Fresh off MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell's announcement that he will seek the Republican nomination to challenge...
PETITION: Presidential Medal of Freedom for LAPD Sergeant Al Powell, Hero during 1988 Terrorist Attack at Nakatomi Plaza
Washington, D.C. — A Genesius Times petition launched this week has garnered over 150,000 signatures calling for President Biden to...
