BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless 
Sen. Mike Lee jumps on Green New Deal taun taun wagon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK27NZon11w In a beautiful speech, Senator Mike Lee of Utah defends Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's Green New Deal and jumps on the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Rockland County mandates anti-vaxxers to wear yellow star so we can identify them easier
The measles outbreak in Rockland County, New York has reached catastrophic levels. It's like Armageddon in the area with people...
First all-female spacewalk cancelled because they ‘couldn’t find the perfect outfit’
A historic spacewalk was scheduled to occur this week, with only women operating outside the ISS for the first time...
Hoax charges against gay black actor being dropped is proof of Trumpstopian nightmare
Jussie Smollett is probably one of the most oppressed people on the planet. Not only is he gay and black,...
BREAKING: New Zealand outlaws mass shootings
New Zealand is the first Western country to boldly ban mass shootings in all forms following a deadly massacre in...
Tim Cook announces new ‘Apple Church’ during annual event
Already a sort of religion for fans, the Apple CEO Tim Cook announced a new industry for the tech giant...
New Zealand bans guns so citizens feel safer during the next mass shooting
When a terrorist massacred 50 people at two New Zealand mosques, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern immediately grasped the nettle. “I...
Nation’s liberals heartbroken that the president didn’t collude with Russians
Washington, DC—In a turn of events that is sending shockwaves throughout the political world, special council Robert Mueller found Friday...
BREAKING: Southern Poverty Law Center designates itself as a hate group
After years of smearing good people with false charges of bigotry, the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) has finally been...
Millions of humble Democrats beg forgiveness for falsely accusing Trump of Russia collusion
Special counsel Robert S. Mueller III delivered a report Friday on his inquiry into Russian interference in the 2016 election...
