BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’ 
AOC: If Biden gives blanket pardon to all criminals like he did Hunter there would be a dramatic drop in crime in this country 
BREAKING: Hundreds of J6 defendants change their name to Hunter Biden to get in on Joe Biden’s blanket pardon of his son 
BREAKING: Vatican decrees that it’s okay to start playing Christmas music now 
Ocasio-Cortez vows to use only lowercase letters to fight capitalism 
BREAKING: Spirit Halloween buys bankrupt Spirit Airlines
Spirit Halloween has officially purchased Spirit Airlines, rebranding the struggling airline as Spirit Halloween Airlines. The move promises to deliver...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: World shocked that a beautiful actual woman won the Miss Universe beauty pageant
MEXICO CITY—The world is shocked and horrified as an actually beautiful woman has won the Miss Universe beauty pageant. Victoria...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell blinks twice to indicate there will be no recess appointments in Trump’s new administration
Current Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell blinked twice in a recent interview to indicate that there will be no recess...
BREAKING: John Blasey Bolton claims Matt Gaetz sexually assaulted her at a party in the ’80s
California Professor John Blasey Bolton has accused Congressman Matt Gaetz of sexually assaulting him at a party in the 1980s....
BREAKING: Republicans pick Democrat John Thune as leader because they felt sorry for winning so much
US—Republicans have decided to select Democrat John Thune as the new leader of the Senate, citing their sympathy for the...
Drop in MSNBC Ratings Reveal Democrats Are Looking for New Ways to Be Lied To
US—Both MSNBC and CNN are reporting massive drops in viewership, prompting loyal audiences to search elsewhere for their daily dose...
BREAKING: Donald Trump appoints Harry Sisson as US Ambassador to Faghanistan
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold, unprecedented diplomatic move, former President Donald Trump has announced the appointment of TikTok personality Harry Sisson...
Harris campaign ‘pretty sure’ they lost because they didn’t spend enough money on twerking
WASHINGTON, DC—The Kamala Harris campaign has come forward to admit that their defeat in the recent election can be attributed...
BREAKING: In response to calls to have the first female president, Biden comes out as a trans woman
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to a chorus of calls to have the first female president installed, President* Joe Biden has announced...
VETERANS DAY: Biden honors AOC for her service during the War of January 6th
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden on Veterans Day participated in a ceremony honoring US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and all the undercover...
