BREAKING: Sen Mitch McConnell has tragically died tomorrow 
WNBA to start all games with Caitlin Clark receiving 5 fouls for getting punched in the face 
Rep. Ocasio-Cortez Invents Groundbreaking Car That Runs on Neither Gas Nor Electricity 
We Must Trust the Science, Especially When It Pleads the Fifth 
Spain’s Border Czar Kamalita Harrisquez Declares Border “Secure,” Confirms She Has Not Visited Europe 
Exclusive CNN Coverage: The Deadly Trump Algae Bloom
In an alarming development that experts are linking directly to former President Donald Trump's policies, rhetoric, and general existence, scientists...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Chicago Unveils Nation’s First Vertical Landfill as Obama Presidential Center Opens
CHICAGO — The Barack Obama Presidential Center opened to the public this week as the nation’s first fully operational vertical...
Local Dad Also Agrees to Not Build Nuclear Weapons in Exchange for $100 Billion
US—Area father of two Brian Thompson announced Tuesday that he has reached a comprehensive agreement with international negotiators to suspend...
AOC: Homophobic Trump would never have opened the Strait of Hormuz if it were called the ‘Gay of Hormuz’
In these trying times of late-stage capitalism and rising seas, we are once again reminded that Donald Trump’s foreign policy...
North Korea Says It Will Welcome British Refugees Fleeing From Keir Starmer’s Dictatorship
Pyongyang — The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has extended a formal offer of asylum to British citizens seeking to...
Trump Awards Himself Nobel Peace Prize for Ending War with Iran That He Started
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump bestowed upon himself the Nobel Peace Prize Tuesday morning, citing his extraordinary achievement in successfully...
Newsom Threatens to Seize Elon Musk’s Entire $1.1 Trillion to Fund Another 0.0 Miles of His High-Speed Rail Project
SACRAMENTO — Governor Gavin Newsom announced Tuesday that his administration is exploring legal avenues to confiscate Elon Musk’s full $1.1...
Democrats demand Trump go back to war with Iran so they can complain about him being at war with Iran
WASHINGTON — Citing a dangerous vacuum in foreign policy discourse, leading Democrats urged President Trump on Monday to resume military...
BREAKING: Federal Judge Overturns Iran Peace Deal, Orders U.S. to Resume Bombing
WASHINGTON — A federal district judge in Texas struck down the 2025 Iran Nuclear Peace Accord late Monday, ruling the...
Elon Musk Sleeping Horribly Due to His Hoarding $1 Trillion in Cash Under His Mattress
AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, SpaceX, and several other ventures valued in the hundreds of billions, is...
