CNN: Car mostly-peacefully drives itself into Magdeburg Christmas market 
‘Climate change is the single greatest threat to humanity’ says the guy who’s trying to start a global thermonuclear war 
Rep Crenshaw has started wearing 2 eye patches so he doesn’t have to read what’s being said about him on X 
BREAKING: Powell announces Federal Reserve has added Hawk Tuah Girl to advisory role 
BREAKING: WNBA’s Caitlin Clark to play in blackface to compensate for her white privilege 
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless
As three esteemed gender studies triple-doctorates, we feel it is our duty to speak out against the incredible accomplishments of...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Trump considering replacing Federal Reserve with much more reliable Magic 8 Ball
President-elect Donald Trump has announced that he plans to replace the Federal Reserve with a far more reliable and trustworthy...
BREAKING: Dems cheer Laken Riley’s murder As ‘A very, very late term abortion’
Democrats have been celebrating the conviction of Jose Ibarra for the murder of Laken Riley as "A Very, Very Late...
White House: Nuclear Armageddon was always a key part of Biden’s ‘Build Back Better’ agenda
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said today that nuclear Armageddon has always been a key part of President*...
Transwomen complain about uniforms crushing their balls during dominating performance
PARIS—The Chinese track and field team that recently dominated the high jump at the 2024 Paris Olympics weren't all smiles—there...
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin
In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant...
California Election officials: ‘Count is taking so long because we’re waiting for people to die so that they can vote Democrat’
SACRAMENTO—California election officials have admitted that the counting process in their state is taking so long because they need to...
VIDEO: Genesius Times has gained exclusive video from hacker of Matt Gaetz engaging in sex trafficking and illicit drugs with minors
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, a video has surfaced that reportedly shows President-elect Donald Trump's attorney general nominee,...
BREAKING: Biden annexes Ukraine as 51st state of the Union in order to expedite WWIII
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally annexed Ukraine and made it the 51st state of the...
BREAKING: Spirit Halloween buys bankrupt Spirit Airlines
Spirit Halloween has officially purchased Spirit Airlines, rebranding the struggling airline as Spirit Halloween Airlines. The move promises to deliver...
