Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
WOOPS: Plague Factory Worker Accidentally Starts Deadly Pandemic Right Before Midterms
MOSCOW — A mid-level technician at the remote Siberian Strategic Pathogen Production Complex, more commonly known among staff as the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Democrats Urge Voters to Vote for Them So Gas Prices Will Come Down Like they are in Blue States
WASHINGTON — In a series of carefully worded statements this week, Democratic leaders and campaign surrogates encouraged Americans to vote...
Climate Change Causing Fires All Across France, Experts Confirm
PARIS — CNN reported Monday that the immigrant riots now entering their second week across several French cities are being...
Biblical Scholars Now Conclude that Judas’s 30 Pieces of Silver Were Supplied by USAID
JERUSALEM — A consortium of biblical historians and institutional-funding analysts announced Monday that the thirty pieces of silver paid to...
Scientists Baffled as to Why the Left Keeps Losing in South America Since the CIA Stopped Funding Their Campaigns Through USAID
SÃO PAULO — Political scientists and institutional-development researchers reported deepening bewilderment on Sunday after Brazil’s first-round presidential election produced yet...
BREAKING: Macron declares war on rioters so he can immediately surrender to them 5 minutes later
PARIS — French President Emmanuel Macron declared war Sunday on the rioters burning and blockading its lycées, then surrendered to...
She Only Consented to the First 5 Guys in the Ketamine-Fueled Orgy You Sickos!
Let us dispense at once with the crude binary now dominating discussion of the October 2024 Chi Phi incident. The...
Tennessee Hires Dr. Hillarsky Clintonsky to Finish the Job After Two Botched Lethal Injections
NASHVILLE — Tennessee announced Friday that it had retained Dr. Hillarsky Cintosky to complete the execution of Christa Pike, left...
Fetuses identifying as death-row inmates to get Democrats to start fighting for their right to live
WASHINGTON — A coalition of unborn plaintiffs announced Friday that they had begun identifying as death-row inmates, citing the legal...
NFL Teams Lining Up to Draft The Cornell 7
ITHACA, N.Y. — Cornell University announced Thursday that seven of its students had been selected in the NFL Draft, a...
