Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
BREAKING: Biden announces 2024 campaign for president of Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking announcement today, President Joe Biden declared that he will be running for the presidency of Ukraine...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
51 ex-intelligence officers warn that all 41,000 hours of newly released Jan 6 video are likely Russian disinformation
WASHINGTON, DC—Fifty-one ex-intelligence officers have warned that all of the 41,000 hours of the newly-released January 6 surveillance video footage...
BREAKING: Mardi Gras cancelled due to lack of cheap plastic beads from China
The biggest party of the year has been called off due to a shortage of the most essential item: beads....
VIDEO: New Disney Hall of Presidents showcases Biden ‘leg hair’ speech
Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents has reopened to the public after months of refurbishment, offering park-goers a firsthand look...
U.S. Military Almost Shoots Down Something from the Sky…Oh Wait, It’s Just a Plane with 500 Passengers On Board
UNITED STATES—The U.S. Military averted what might have been one of the worst aviation disasters in American history. After the...
BREAKING: Ohio identifies as Ukrainian province to get disaster relief funds from Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—The US state of Ohio has officially identified as a Ukrainian province in order to get disaster relief funds...
Fetterman hospitalized for extreme depression after learning he’s a Democrat
It's well known that Senator Jon Fetterman suffered a tragic brain injury during his 2022 campaign, which resulted in a...
Why You Should Date a Ghost Instead of a Real Person
In today's dating world, finding the perfect match can be a real challenge. But what if we told you there...
BREAKING: Eyewitness to testify that Donald Trump lunged at steering wheel to crash Ohio train
EAT PALESTINE, OH—An eyewitness close to the administration is to testify that former President Donald Trump lunged at the steering...
Nation starting to think appointing someone Transportation Secretary just because he’s gay isn’t such a good idea
US—People across the country are starting to think that appointing someone as Transportation Secretary because he's gay isn't such a...
