Oregon Health Authority reminds people to wear face masks while smoking crack at Thanksgiving

PORTLAND — The Oregon Health Authority is reminding people to wear face masks while smoking crack at Thanksgiving celebrations. They are giving away free face masks with holes cut out in a major public health measure to allow Oregoners to keep smoking crack and be safe during the COVID-19 crisis.

“Our number one concern is keeping people safe and healthy during this pandemic,” Oregon Health Authority Directory Patrick Allen said at a press conference. “That’s why we are giving away free face masks with holes in them so that people can continue smoking cigarettes and crack or banana peels and obey the mask mandate while celebrating Thanksgiving.”

Crack cocaine was legalized in a November 3rd referendum along with all other illicit drugs while plastic straws were prohibited.

The face masks, which Governor Kate Brown has ordered that people wear in public, are fitted with small holes in the mouth area to allow easy access for cigarettes, crack pipes, or even non-plastic straws to drink the CDC COVID Kool-Aid.

“Many people have questioned the safety of a face mask with a hole in the mouth area, but what they really don’t know is that the face masks are really only for psychological purposes,” Allen said. “Face masks don’t really help so the holes don’t really hurt.”

The Health Authority is also releasing a designer line of tin foil face masks that they will sell. These designer face masks will also have a crack pipe hole in them.