CDC predicts COVID will die out abruptly November 4th
ATLANTA—The CDC has assured the public that the COVID-19 virus will no longer pose a threat greater than the regular...
coronavirus
CDC: Current outbreak of stupidity may be worse than the outbreak of coronavirus
The CDC has released an official statement on the recent outbreak of stupidity that is threatening to overtake the coronavirus...
Gates says he will release a deadlier virus if people don’t take his first one seriously enough
SEATTLE—Tech founder and worldwide supervillain Bill Gates says that he will "release a deadlier virus" if people don't take his...
Fauci: You must give yourself a swirly to prevent catching the coronavirus
Are you prepared to do your part in combating the coronavrius epidemic? The esteemed expert of immunology and overlord of...
New ‘Corona Karen’ Barbie yells at dolls without masks
Mattel is getting into the COVID-19 political fray with a new "Corona Karen" Barbie doll. The new doll line has...
Fauci mandates masks for all bullets to prevent COVID-related gunshot wounds
The effort to stop yet another disease from our friends at The People's Republic of China has taken on a...
Fauci: ‘Face masks aren’t necessary if you put your hands like this’
WASHINGTON—Tippy top infectious disease expert and America's doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci has released new guidelines for wearing masks in public...
Cuomo: ‘Pizza is a substantive food unless you put pineapple on it’
NEW YORK—Governor Andrew Cuomo, in a lengthy explanation of possibly the most arbitrary government mandate in the long history arbitrary...
CDC admits to using Common Core math to add up new COVID cases
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have admitted to using Common Core math to add up new COVID...
Bill Gates infuriated that they keep coming up with cheap cures to his coronavirus bioweapon
REDMOND, WA—Billionaire and Bond Supervillain Bill Gates is incresingly infuriated that doctors and health practitioners keep coming up with simple...
