Joe Biden

BREAKING: After consulting trusted advisors, Biden now says Ukraine will invade Russia any day now

Gumpers February 18, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden, after spending almost two hours alone, at his Oval Office desk, consulting (babbling aimlessly) with his closest...

BREAKING: Biden sends $80B in weapons to Ukraine to leave behind for Russia when we withdraw

Exavier Saskagoochie February 12, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC--Following his stellar exit strategy that worked flawlessly in Afghanistan, President* Biden is sending over $80 billion in military-grade...

Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack

Exavier Saskagoochie February 11, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has made it clear that proof of full vaccination will be required to receive the administration's...

In major policy win, Biden admin offers $30 million in grants to unload Hunter’s crack pipes

Earnest O'Connor February 9, 2022

WASHNGTON, DC—In a flagship grant program, titled ”Pipes with the Bidens,” the flailing administration has advanced their most ingenious piece...

Biden HHS giving out free COVID masks with holes for easier crack smoking

Exavier Saskagoochie February 9, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden Health and Human Services Department is giving away free face masks with holes cut out in a...

BREAKING: Biden FDA approves emergency use authorization of crack as COVID treatment

Exavier Saskagoochie February 8, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden's Food & Drug Administration Commissioner Hunter Biden has fast-tracked the emergency use authorization for smoking crack as...