Joe Biden

BREAKING: Joe Biden declares war on two countries during victory speech

Exavier Saskagoochie November 7, 2020

WASHINGTON DC--Shortly after the MSNBC declared Joe Biden president-elect of the United States of America during a disputed election, Biden...

BREAKING: America is no longer a systemically racist country

Exavier Saskagoochie November 7, 2020

(CNN) Thanks to a crushing victory in the 2020 presidential race by Joe Biden, eulogist for KKK Grand Cyclops Robert...

Biden won’t release the cure to cancer until Trump concedes

Exavier Saskagoochie November 7, 2020

WASHINGTON DC—Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden says he will not release the cure to cancer until after President Donald Trump...

Biden: ‘They aren’t illegal ballots, they’re undocumented votes’

Exavier Saskagoochie November 6, 2020

WASHINGTON DC—Presidential nominee Joe Biden has defended the vast number of illegal votes being uncovered by citizens around the country...

BREAKING: Georgia flips blue after Stacey Abrams finds thousands of new ballots in her belly button

Jeremy Spoken November 6, 2020

ATLANTA—Former Georgia Representative Stacey Abrams has discovered thousands of previously uncounted 2020 presidential ballots in her belly button, 100 percent...

BREAKING: Local Procrastinators Club calls election, declares Biden vice president

Jeremy Spoken November 6, 2020

PHILADELPHIA—The local Procrastinators Club has officially called the presidential election and declared Joe Biden vice president. Biden, who is running...

BREAKING: Biden breaks record for most dead votes ever for a presidential candidate in US history

Exavier Saskagoochie November 5, 2020

US—Joe Biden has received more votes from dead people than any presidential candidate in U.S. history, surpassing the record set...

BREAKING: Wisconsin officials find 170,000 Biden ballots on Chinese shipping container

Exavier Saskagoochie November 4, 2020

MADISON, WI—It appeared that President Donald Trump was going to win Wisconsin in the 2020 election until—quite miraculously—election officials discovered...