Buttigieg wants China ambassadorship after learning there are no black people there
SOUTH BEND, IN—Former Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg has requested the Chinese ambassadorship after learning that there are no black...
China
YouTube unveils its new logo
MOUNTAINVIEW, CA—YouTube’s CEO Susan Wojcicki unveiled YouTube's new logo today in Sillicon Valley, launching a rebranding effort that more closely...
BREAKING: Rep. Swalwell: ‘Russian hackers made me sleep with Chinese spy’
SAN FRANCISCO—US Representative Eric Swalwell has admitted to sleeping with a Chinese spy during his ascent to the House but...
BREAKING: Biden officially changes his name to Cho Bei Den
WASHINGTON DC—Feeling that the election is behind him, Joe Biden has sold the naming rights to the president of the...
BREAKING: Wisconsin officials find 170,000 Biden ballots on Chinese shipping container
MADISON, WI—It appeared that President Donald Trump was going to win Wisconsin in the 2020 election until—quite miraculously—election officials discovered...
New polls show Biden winning nearly every province in China
BEIJING—A new Pew Pew poll shows that Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is winning in nearly every province in China...
LeBron James sets all-time NBA record for virtue signaling
LOS ANGELES--LeBron “King” James set a new NBA record last night, specifically a quadruple double. You read that right, in...
China pinky-promises to lower carbon emissions by 2069
BEIJING—Xi Jinping and all of his advisors have pinky-promised to lower their country’s emissions by the year 2069. The promise...
Georgia to open Uyghur concentration camp to lure Disney back to state
ATLANTA—Georgia Governor Brian Kemp has announced a brand new concentration camp for ethnic Uyghurs in an effort to lure the...
Local man eaten by plant that grew from mysterious Chinese seeds
PROVO, UT—A local man, Harry S. Truman (no relation to the president), was eaten alive by the plant that grew...
