Virologists discover COVID-19 lockdowns attack the economy with a 100% mortality rate

COVID-19 Virologists around the country are pushing for a cure. A silver bullet. But are they looking in the right direction?

Many believe “The Cure is Worse than the Disease” or “The Operation was a Success but the Patient Died” are far more appropriate than “Run out of Bread to Slow the Spread.”

NIH virologist, Dr. Wee Keepemhome, has been looking at this virus under the microscope for months. When the virus is placed in a Petri dish with what’s known as ‘Fauci Cells’, they do the ‘Carleton’. When placed next to orange-colored cells with yellow tops they explode bigly.

When Dr. Keepemhome places those same C-19 viruses in test tubes containing dollar bills those bills disappear as if they never existed in the first place (see fiat economy or the last few scenes from the “The Day the Earth Stood Still” with Keanu Reaves).

The results of this landmark study is that yes, C-19 does appear to affect people but the economy is far more vulnerable to infection. In fact, if the economy is infected more than 3 months there is a 100% mortality rate. 3M has been tasked with building a ventilator for the economy which will be ready in exactly 3 months and 1 day. Figures, right?