BREAKING: Chiefs win Super Bowl LV after scoring 6 touchdowns at 4 am when no one was watching
TAMPA BAY—The Kansas City Chiefs, along with the rest of the world, thought they had lost Super Bowl LV when...
Month: February 2021
BLM promises to ‘burn the whole motherf***er down’ if they don’t win the Nobel Peace Prize
WASHINGTON, DC—Black Lives Matter protestors took to the streets over the weekend after it was announced they were nominated for...
WOOPS: Puppet strings visible during Biden’s latest executive order signing
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has been no stranger to gaffs from the campaign to his adorable inability to put a pen...
Satan follows Big Tech’s lead, bans Trump from Hell
HADES—Today, Satan tweeted out that, effective immediately, Trump and his supporters will be banned from every circle of Hell. "Effective...
Tlaib wins Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood
HOLLYWOOD—Representative Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised Allah in her acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood yesterday. The...
President Biden declares Eagles Superbowl LV Champs by executive order
WASHINGTON, DC—At 5AM Eastern Time today President-Elect Biden issued another executive order, declaring the Philadelphia Eagles the Super Bowl Champions...
David Hogg launches MyPillow competition: MyDillow for small, mousy men
Parkland school shooting survivor and gun control advocate David Hogg plans to launch his own pillow company to compete with...
Fauci orders wall of masks built around all federal buildings
WASHINGTON, DC—Latest guidelines from the CDC require walls of N95 masks constructed around all buildings to keep the population safe...
Economist Paul Krugman suggests workers use only their left hand to boost employment
UNITED STATES—In today’s edition of the former newspaper New York Times Nobel Prize winning-economist Paul Krugman wrote an op-ed in...
BREAKING: AOC recalls barely making it out alive of Ewok siege on Endor base
FOREST MOON—A teary-eyed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) on Monday recounted the horrifying events during the Ewok siege of the Galactic...
