George Floyd Celebrates 300 Days of Sobriety
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, Patron Saint in the Church of Woke, celebrates 300 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit...
Month: March 2021
Here’s your guide to an uber-woke Passover
Jews have been celebrating the Passover holiday for thousands of years since the Egyptian Exodus, and not much has changed...
Biden blames fall on wind from Putin blowing him a kiss from Russia
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden blamed his fall while climbing Air Force One's stairs on Russian President Vladimir Putin blowing him...
White House staff confused about who’s still peeing on the floors after Biden’s dogs were removed
WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office...
BREAKING: Man in critical condition after contracting severe case of whiteness
NEW YORK CITY—A man was sent to the hospital in critical condition earlier today after contracting a severe case of...
Biden tells migrants ‘don’t come over’ while he hands out gift bags at the border
BIG BEND, TX–President Joe Biden said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times's George Snuffalufagus on Tuesday that his message...
Biden makes Dr. Rachel Levine all-time Miss America
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has named transgender HHS Assistant Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine the all-time Miss America winner, making it...
BREAKING: Concentration camps are good now
WASHINGTON, DC—A common refrain among democrats during the Trump administration was that the government’s migrant facilities were literal ‘concentration camps’,...
Biden to give his first press conference in the year 4032, shortly after it’s okay to stop wearing masks
WASHINGTON, DC—Media reports confirmed today that President Biden is set to have his first press conference in the year 4032,...
Cuomo promises to harass at least 50% transwomen from now on
ALBANY, NY--New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has agreed to a compromise with the #metoo movement to save his job. He...
