BREAKING: Everyone’s mother officially enters Democratic primary to defeat Trump
In a move that many analysts had predicted for months, Everyone's mother officially put her name in the Democratic primary...
Googly McMooglyface
Travelers cheer as TSA officers return to fondle their privates
U.S.—Plane travelers across the United States are celebrating the end of the government shutdown primarily because the T.S.A. guards are...
Activists raze Columbus, OH to the ground in reparation for Christopher Columbus
Columbus, OH—207 years after its founding, activists have started tearing down buildings and dismantling the transportation system as a way...
Ocasio-Cortez to quit Congress and become full-time soothsayer
New York, N.Y.—In an abrupt announcement not a month into her historic first term, N.Y. Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez has declared...
Gillette Introduces ‘Ball Blades’ to Help Fight ‘Toxic Masculinity’ via Castration
The razor giant Gillette is embracing the #MeToo movement with its new line of blades designed especially for excising testes....
DNC to Replace 2020 Convention with Two Minutes of Loud, Sustained Yelling at Images of Trump
In a move that some have called "hip" and "with it", the Democratic National Committee will do away with their...
Governor’s Wife to Go By “First Seal” not “First Lady” in Nod to Gender Equality and the End of the World
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the life partner of California's newly inaugurated governor, Gavin Newsom, says she's nixing the...
REPORT: Ginsburg to outlast Trump by drinking from Holy Grail
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is doing just fine and hopes to live well into the future after a quick trip...
Feminist Christian wants to replace ‘Amen’ with ‘Awomyn’
In the spirit of Pope Francis' initiative to change the wording of the Lord's Prayer, local feminist and Pinterest user,...
Guy in cubicle certain that his next sniffle will be the last
After 783 continuous workdays in which he coughed and sniffled every 15 seconds, the guy in the cubicle next to...
