Biden retaliates for Chinese defector by giving China the entire FBI
WASHINGTON, DC--Not fully understanding how it works, US President* Joe Biden promised to give the entire Federal Bureau of Investigation...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Victoria’s Secret replaces all ‘Angel’ lingerie models with Jabba the Hutt
NEW YORK CITY—In perhaps the wokest of all corporate wokeness, lingerie dealer Victoria's Secret has done away with its attractive...
WOKE: Victoria’s Secret replaces all ‘Angel’ lingerie models with Chet the human turd
NEW YORK CITY—In perhaps the wokest of all corporate wokeness, lingerie dealer Victoria's Secret has done away with its attractive...
BREAKING: FBI foils insurrection plot devised by the FBI
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has foiled the January 6 insurrection plot devised by the FBI, US Attorney General* Merrick Garland said...
Newsom assures Californians his vaccine passports will be ‘super cute’
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom announced a new way to show that you've been vaccinated against COVID-19 and allayed fears about...
BREAKING: Democrats vote to remove Southern states from US for ties to slavery
WASHINGTON DC—In a shocking and unprecedented move, congressional Democrats have voted to remove Southern states from the Union for their...
Harris/Biden administration to transfer all student debt to people who never went to college
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President* Kamala Harris made a bold promise today, promising to make everyone who has paid off their student...
Time: Biden taking on stairs
Did you catch a wiff of the new Time cover? Those aviators! "On his way to meet Vladimir Putin, Secret...
David Hogg campaigns to ban assault donations like those used on AOC’s abuela
HOGG HEAVEN, FL—Activist David Hogg, who is known for his fight to ban guns and his MyPillow competition MyDillow, has...
BREAKING: Biden declares Branch Covidians official state religion; will persecute non-believers
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden, in conjunction with the future President* Kamala Harris, has declared that Fauciism is the new state...
