AOC claims Starbucks tried to kill her by misspelling her name on her to-go coffee
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is living a nightmare in the hellscape that is the nation's capital. Not only...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Walmart now offering free COVID anal swabs before shopping
BENTONVILLE, AR—In the interest of making the shopping experience for everyone as safe as can be, Walmart Supercenters will now...
Local girls HS team gets new recruit after Biden signs trans rights executive order
The local girls high school basketball team got a surprise new recruit following President Biden's new transgender rights executive order...
Nadler says 2 or 3 sets of underwear are safer
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Jerry Nadler (D-NY) now agrees with the CDC that two or three sets of underwear are safer in...
Biden replaces disloyal National Guard troops with loyal Chinese army
WASHINGTON, DC--President Biden isn't taking any chances with security. He's making sure that all the National Guard troops guarding the...
Kamala sneaks a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ order in Biden’s stack of executive orders
WASHINGTON, DC—At one point during the flurry of executive orders signed by President Joe Biden, he said, "I don't know...
Hillary demands to know why no one ever charged her with ‘inciting an erection’ at the Capitol
WASHINGTON, DC—After Chuck Schumer charged Donald Trump with inciting an erection at the US Capitol, Hillary Clinton has demanded to...
BREAKING: Vatican declares Biden a saint after he miraculously ends COVID one day in White House
VATICAN—Pope Francis has confirmed that the first beatification of a living person: US President Joe Biden after he has ended...
BREAKING: CIA begins funneling weapons to libertarians after Biden labels them terrorists
PENTAGON—The Central Intelligence Agency has immediately started funneling money and weapons to various libertarian groups throughout the US after President...
BREAKING: President Biden was tragically killed in a car accident tomorrow
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, newly sworn-in President Joe Biden has tragically died in a car accident tomorrow....
