BREAKING: Ilhan Omar offers condolences to family of ISIS-linked New Orleans terrorist
New Orleans, LA — In an unexpected move that has stirred controversy, U.S. Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) has publicly offered...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Wray promises to allow several more terrorist attacks before he steps down as FBI Director
Washington, D.C. — In a surprising yet somewhat expected turn of events, FBI Director Christopher Wray has announced his commitment...
Local college grad says it’s ‘impossible’ to find a job these days
In a world where individuality and creative expression are celebrated, there exists a young college graduate who has taken the...
Local dad surprised by the Christmas gifts he gave his kids because his wife did all the shopping
In a heartwarming holiday twist, local resident Mark Thompson was left utterly astonished by the Christmas presents he ostensibly chose...
BREAKING: American Airlines to use flying reindeer to pull airplanes amid technical glitch
American Airlines has announced that their fleet will temporarily be powered by flying reindeer after a catastrophic software glitch grounded...
BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation
CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD...
Family makes annual trip to donate last year’s Chinese junk to make room for this year’s Chinese junk
The Smith family has perfected an annual ritual that combines the spirit of giving with the art of decluttering. On...
Kamala Harris unsure how to pay off campaign debt but certain about how to run the US economy
Washington D.C. - In the wake of a challenging presidential campaign, Vice President Kamala Harris finds herself grappling with a...
CNN: Car mostly-peacefully drives itself into Magdeburg Christmas market
GERMANY—A car, seemingly driven by the spirit of Christmas itself, embarked on a "mostly peaceful" journey through the Magdeburg Christmas...
‘Climate change is the single greatest threat to humanity’ says the guy who’s trying to start a global thermonuclear war
In an ironic twist of political discourse, President Joe Biden's assertion that "climate change is the single greatest threat to...
