BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions
As a woman who has been sexually assaulted by whoever Trump appoints to any cabinet position, I feel it is...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies
NEW YORK—In a move that sent shockwaves through both tech and media industries, Elon Musk has announced his acquisition of...
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas
On this day in 1963, the nation collectively held its breath as President John F. Kennedy embarked on what would...
BREAKING: Trump considering replacing Federal Reserve with much more reliable Magic 8 Ball
President-elect Donald Trump has announced that he plans to replace the Federal Reserve with a far more reliable and trustworthy...
Transwomen complain about uniforms crushing their balls during dominating performance
PARIS—The Chinese track and field team that recently dominated the high jump at the 2024 Paris Olympics weren't all smiles—there...
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin
In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant...
California Election officials: ‘Count is taking so long because we’re waiting for people to die so that they can vote Democrat’
SACRAMENTO—California election officials have admitted that the counting process in their state is taking so long because they need to...
VIDEO: Genesius Times has gained exclusive video from hacker of Matt Gaetz engaging in sex trafficking and illicit drugs with minors
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, a video has surfaced that reportedly shows President-elect Donald Trump's attorney general nominee,...
BREAKING: Biden annexes Ukraine as 51st state of the Union in order to expedite WWIII
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has unilaterally annexed Ukraine and made it the 51st state of the...
BREAKING: Spirit Halloween buys bankrupt Spirit Airlines
Spirit Halloween has officially purchased Spirit Airlines, rebranding the struggling airline as Spirit Halloween Airlines. The move promises to deliver...
